The future is again very uncertain!

I once again feel like I am running out of time. There is never enough time to do everything there is to do. February is almost over. I still crazily think sometimes, maybe I should stay on. But the people which I am trying to help will need to learn to be independent and take over what I started with, such is the philosophy of Peace Corps, not to have them think that foreign aid and aid workers so indispensable. I like to quote what Charles de Gaulle once said when some people said that he is so indispensable, "The graveyard is filled with many indispensable people." The wheel of life will still turn, the world will continue to evolve after we die. The best we can do is to live a responsible life and not to waste the life that we have been given to, to experience all its joys and hardships, all the layers of life.

I am a bit scared to leave this large family of mine (my village) to go off to work in a city, where I will inevitably feel the loneliness when one lacks family (which I didn’t experience living in a small village) would feel.

So my life is ever so uncertain again in a few months. Where will I go next, call home? What will I do as work? Will I be able to support myself? and love? Certainly, I have been loved by the people that I have come to know, and friends back at home, and have not quite felt the need of love between a man and a woman as I was consumed with adjusting to a new life and work, but now that I am more or less adjusted, the century old question pops up...

I have definitely a few years of instability ahead of me and moving around perhaps. It is actually going to be more difficult than going into Peace Corps, where for the most part, things are put in place and there is a great team of support staffs and fellow PCVs. Now, I will leave this Peace Corps family and my village to go off on my own, at a mutual age of 34, still I can’t help to be scared and apprehensive, but I hope that I am well trained and have grown more daring in the past few years to embark on this journey of no return on my own. One thing I read over and over what other volunteers felt after having completed their service, is they felt that there is nothing that they can’t do if they set their heart to do it, Peace Corps service has give them the confidence and perseverance that’s hard to build elsewhere. Many people have fear of developing countries, the Dark Continent, because they don’t know how things work here, because they don’t know what the culture is like, they’ve read things but never personally experienced it, so they think it is so difficult. But the truth of the matter is, it is not knowing who creates fear who stops one to realize his/her full potential. So I need to base on everything I learned to take the next set of calculated risks to expand on my knowledge on things that I don’t know, and let my experiences evolve further.